Meet my new nemesis. This forty pound, oddly-shaped lump of low-grade steel is called a kettlebell. And last night, it kicked me squarely in the ass.
My friend Alicia is a crossfitter. And not just any crossfitter. She’s been at it for over a year solid, goes to competitions, and really lives the life. She’s managed to completely turn her health and fitness around, through a whole lot of dedication and hard work. She’s a badass, really. But I didn’t realize just how badass.
Because the other day, she posted on her Facebook about doing 100 kettlebell swings, unbroken, in 3:34 with a 35 pounder. Shoot, I think, I should be able to hack that. “Challenge accepted,” I told her.
Nevermind that I haven’t so much as looked sideways at a kettlebell in months. Or that I haven’t had any seriously hard conditioning (different from weight lifting) since my last race, December 1 of last year. No matter, 35 pounds isn’t that heavy, and I am A MAN, and so I shall do it! No 35 pound kettlebell available? No matter, I’ll round up. Because, after all, I am A MAN!
Wrong. I did my light overhead-press workout (it’s “de-load week”… more on that tomorrow), pumped up the music, took a swig of go-juice (BCAAs), and started the stopwatch. I should’ve known this wasn’t going to go as planned when I picked it up and thought man, that’s kinda heavy. But I started anyway. 10 reps in, I was feeling fine. No… big… deal… I thought between swings. 10 reps later, I was breathing too hard to think about anything but counting. 10 reps after that, I was standing, hands on hips, chest heaving, looking at the kettlebell laying on the floor.
“Holy crap. She did 100 of these things?!”
Part of the deal was, if I stopped, I had to do a 100 meter dash, 10 pull-ups, and 10 squats. Well, I can’t do 10 pull ups (yet… combination of me being too heavy and my lats being fairly pathetic). So I ran (roughly) 100 meters, did three really lousy and awkward pull-ups, and 10 bodyweight squats. Then 20 more swings. Then the “punishment” routine again. Switched to a 30 pound kettlebell, ego now thoroughly checked. 30 more swings. More punishment. 20 more swings and probably as many minutes after I started, I sprinted about 200 meters and called it good.
Dang crossfitters…
But now the challenge is laid out. For the next few weeks, I’ll be doing KB swings a couple times a week, until I can do 100 unbroken. Hopefully in less than 3:34. With a 35 (or greater) pound weight. Can’t go getting beat by a girl like that…