Jul 072013
 

1. When you have time to mow the grass when it is a reasonable length, it will rain. Until the grass is an unreasonable length.

2. When the grass is at a sufficiently absurd length, the weather will break. You are now free to mow your grass three times, or until it’s dark outside. Likely both.

3. The location where the mower will run out of gas will be that point which is geometrically the longest distance from the location of the gas can.

4. You will fill the gas tank for 30 seconds to reach halfway full. You will then fill it for approximately another two seconds in order for it to overflow all over the hot motor and scare the bajeezus out of you.

5. The two most effective tools for locating the last pile of dog poo in your yard are (a) your shoes, and (b) the lawnmower blade.

6. As when washing your car, if your neighbors happen to see you mowing, they will make the obligatory “hey, when you’re done…” joke. The only acceptable response is a polite chuckle. This is a crucial part of the suburban social contract, and is required in order for you to use the same joke when you catch them mowing or washing their car. And so the circle of life continues.

7. No matter what setting you select on your mower, the resulting height of your cut grass will be exactly ½ inch taller or shorter than the adjacent lawn, even if you and your neighbor are mowing simultaneously.

8. The correct size mower deck to buy is n+2″, where n is the size mower you just bought.

9. Cutting fancy checkerboard patterns into your grass is acceptable. Distress signals to low-flying aircraft are not. (Sorry, FAA…)

10. Grass is stupid. Get a goat. Or AstroTurf. Or pour concrete.

Jul 062013
 
This is my steer! There are many like it, but this one is mine!

Yesterday, Katie and I had the unusual (in this day and age) pleasure of helping to select the beef we’ll be eating for the next several months. A few weeks ago, we placed an order with Innisfree for a “quarter” of beef, which is essentially half of a side. Last week, my brother said that the steer was ready, and so it was time to round up the herd again, sort out The Bull (who is going to see his other lady friends at a different farm), and the steers, one of whom is ready for the butcher.

And for once, things went exactly as they should have. The entire herd was just hanging out in the barn in the morning, so we didn’t have to round anybody up. Most of the mama cows sorted out easily enough, and then The Bull and two of the steers wandered into the corral all on their own, saving us the usual half hour of cajoling and poking with sticks. After they were sorted, we gave them a bunch of hay and water to last them until the trailer ride over the weekend.

This will be the final departure for The Bull too, but for different reasons. He’s gotten substantially too large and a bit too cantankerous for the herd (and for us!), and so we’ll be looking for a new hombre come Spring.

Jul 052013
 
When it was first built, I admit I thought it was dumb. But I’d be lying if I said it doesn’t add to downtown, now.
I also rolled over 500 miles on the road bike! Woo hoo!

Today I went out to ride in spite of myself. My legs were absolutely fried from a weightlifting workout on Tuesday, but I figured an easy pedal would do them some good.

(Sometimes you have workouts that, for reasons that are beyond your comprehension, leave you nearly incapacitated. Tuesday was one of those workouts. I did light weight, I didn’t do that many reps or sets or exercises, but my legs were destroyed on Wednesday and Thursday. Chalk it up to improper nutrition, or inadequate sleep, or something else, but it was un-fun.)

So I left in the late morning, taking advantage of a rare rain-free day, and rode down to the 2nd Street Market to have lunch with Katie. After stuffing my face with gyro sandwiches and orzo salad, I hopped back onto the bike path, past the huge fountains at Riverscape, and hooked South to the bike path that runs to Yellow Springs to check on my mountain bike at Village Cyclery. A test ride proved what Chris was telling me, which is that replacing the derailleur, chain and cassette helped, but the shifter has to go as well. So it’s back into the shop for a bit longer.


After Yellow Springs, my legs were pretty well exhausted, despite the moderate distance. So I took the shorter way home, via surface roads instead of bike paths, and saved myself a few miles on the return trip. Somewhat to my surprise, after coasting down a long hill and taking it easy on the flats for several miles, my legs came back a little, and I was able to power up the final hill (the same one I go 40 mph down) without too much trouble.

I also stopped to read this cool little historical marker just outside of Beavercreek, one of dozens that pepper the area bike trail system. It commemorates a William Maxwell, an obscure but important publisher, judge, sheriff and militiaman who settled in this area before his death in the early 1800s. Notably, he was instrumental in the creation of Greene County, in which I grew up. The motto of his first paper, published in Cincinnati, was “Open to all parties–but influenced by none,” something that modern journalistic institutions would perhaps do well to study.

In all, my ride covered a bit over 56 miles, pushed me past the 500 mile mark for the year on the road bike, and completed a couple errands in the process. That means I saved about 3 gallons of gas, too. But better, it connected me with yet another forgotten part of the early history of my area, and to one of the great men who helped shape it.

Jul 042013
 

In addition to being a fitness and health geek, I’m also very into American History, circa the Revolutionary War. I’m always entranced by the ability of the writers of the era to say so much with so few and such beautiful words. So in commemoration of the 237th birthday of our great nation, I will not try to improve on the words of the estimable Thomas Jefferson, in company of the Continental Congress, July, 1776.

The unanimous Declaration of the thirteen united States of America,
When in the Course of human events, it becomes necessary for one people to dissolve the political bands which have connected them with another, and to assume among the powers of the earth, the separate and equal station to which the Laws of Nature and of Nature’s God entitle them, a decent respect to the opinions of mankind requires that they should declare the causes which impel them to the separation.
We hold these truths to be self-evident, that all men are created equal, that they are endowed by their Creator with certain unalienable Rights, that among these are Life, Liberty and the pursuit of Happiness.–That to secure these rights, Governments are instituted among Men, deriving their just powers from the consent of the governed, –That whenever any Form of Government becomes destructive of these ends, it is the Right of the People to alter or to abolish it, and to institute new Government, laying its foundation on such principles and organizing its powers in such form, as to them shall seem most likely to effect their Safety and Happiness. Prudence, indeed, will dictate that Governments long established should not be changed for light and transient causes; and accordingly all experience hath shewn, that mankind are more disposed to suffer, while evils are sufferable, than to right themselves by abolishing the forms to which they are accustomed. But when a long train of abuses and usurpations, pursuing invariably the same Object evinces a design to reduce them under absolute Despotism, it is their right, it is their duty, to throw off such Government, and to provide new Guards for their future security.–Such has been the patient sufferance of these Colonies; and such is now the necessity which constrains them to alter their former Systems of Government. The history of the present King of Great Britain is a history of repeated injuries and usurpations, all having in direct object the establishment of an absolute Tyranny over these States. To prove this, let Facts be submitted to a candid world.
He has refused his Assent to Laws, the most wholesome and necessary for the public good.
He has forbidden his Governors to pass Laws of immediate and pressing importance, unless suspended in their operation till his Assent should be obtained; and when so suspended, he has utterly neglected to attend to them.
He has refused to pass other Laws for the accommodation of large districts of people, unless those people would relinquish the right of Representation in the Legislature, a right inestimable to them and formidable to tyrants only.
He has called together legislative bodies at places unusual, uncomfortable, and distant from the depository of their public Records, for the sole purpose of fatiguing them into compliance with his measures.
He has dissolved Representative Houses repeatedly, for opposing with manly firmness his invasions on the rights of the people.
He has refused for a long time, after such dissolutions, to cause others to be elected; whereby the Legislative powers, incapable of Annihilation, have returned to the People at large for their exercise; the State remaining in the mean time exposed to all the dangers of invasion from without, and convulsions within.
He has endeavoured to prevent the population of these States; for that purpose obstructing the Laws for Naturalization of Foreigners; refusing to pass others to encourage their migrations hither, and raising the conditions of new Appropriations of Lands.
He has obstructed the Administration of Justice, by refusing his Assent to Laws for establishing Judiciary powers.
He has made Judges dependent on his Will alone, for the tenure of their offices, and the amount and payment of their salaries.
He has erected a multitude of New Offices, and sent hither swarms of Officers to harrass our people, and eat out their substance.
He has kept among us, in times of peace, Standing Armies without the Consent of our legislatures.
He has affected to render the Military independent of and superior to the Civil power.
He has combined with others to subject us to a jurisdiction foreign to our constitution, and unacknowledged by our laws; giving his Assent to their Acts of pretended Legislation:
For Quartering large bodies of armed troops among us:
For protecting them, by a mock Trial, from punishment for any Murders which they should commit on the Inhabitants of these States:
For cutting off our Trade with all parts of the world:
For imposing Taxes on us without our Consent:
For depriving us in many cases, of the benefits of Trial by Jury:
For transporting us beyond Seas to be tried for pretended offences
For abolishing the free System of English Laws in a neighbouring Province, establishing therein an Arbitrary government, and enlarging its Boundaries so as to render it at once an example and fit instrument for introducing the same absolute rule into these Colonies:
For taking away our Charters, abolishing our most valuable Laws, and altering fundamentally the Forms of our Governments:
For suspending our own Legislatures, and declaring themselves invested with power to legislate for us in all cases whatsoever.
He has abdicated Government here, by declaring us out of his Protection and waging War against us.
He has plundered our seas, ravaged our Coasts, burnt our towns, and destroyed the lives of our people.
He is at this time transporting large Armies of foreign Mercenaries to compleat the works of death, desolation and tyranny, already begun with circumstances of Cruelty & perfidy scarcely paralleled in the most barbarous ages, and totally unworthy the Head of a civilized nation.
He has constrained our fellow Citizens taken Captive on the high Seas to bear Arms against their Country, to become the executioners of their friends and Brethren, or to fall themselves by their Hands.
He has excited domestic insurrections amongst us, and has endeavoured to bring on the inhabitants of our frontiers, the merciless Indian Savages, whose known rule of warfare, is an undistinguished destruction of all ages, sexes and conditions.
In every stage of these Oppressions We have Petitioned for Redress in the most humble terms: Our repeated Petitions have been answered only by repeated injury. A Prince whose character is thus marked by every act which may define a Tyrant, is unfit to be the ruler of a free people.
Nor have We been wanting in attentions to our Brittish brethren. We have warned them from time to time of attempts by their legislature to extend an unwarrantable jurisdiction over us. We have reminded them of the circumstances of our emigration and settlement here. We have appealed to their native justice and magnanimity, and we have conjured them by the ties of our common kindred to disavow these usurpations, which, would inevitably interrupt our connections and correspondence. They too have been deaf to the voice of justice and of consanguinity. We must, therefore, acquiesce in the necessity, which denounces our Separation, and hold them, as we hold the rest of mankind, Enemies in War, in Peace Friends.
We, therefore, the Representatives of the united States of America, in General Congress, Assembled, appealing to the Supreme Judge of the world for the rectitude of our intentions, do, in the Name, and by Authority of the good People of these Colonies, solemnly publish and declare, That these United Colonies are, and of Right ought to be Free and Independent States; that they are Absolved from all Allegiance to the British Crown, and that all political connection between them and the State of Great Britain, is and ought to be totally dissolved; and that as Free and Independent States, they have full Power to levy War, conclude Peace, contract Alliances, establish Commerce, and to do all other Acts and Things which Independent States may of right do. And for the support of this Declaration, with a firm reliance on the protection of divine Providence, we mutually pledge to each other our Lives, our Fortunes and our sacred Honor.
Jul 032013
 
Look at this haul! I’m not the only one racking up ribbons and medals!

My little sister is a total badass.

This is Rebekah, who is my little sister, and those are her ribbons and medals from this season’s Special Olympics meets. Rebekah was born with Trisomy 21 Down Syndrome and a resulting atrioventricular septal defect. That defect would have claimed her life, but for an inspired performance by a surgical team from Childrens Hospital when she was just 4 months old. She was also born with the most winning personality you’ll ever come across.

Rebekah has Down Syndrome, but that is the last thing you’ll remember about her. She is an athlete, a 3-year varsity member of her high school basketball team, and a Gold Medalist in the 100m dash at this year’s Special Olympics State Summer Games. She is a pianist, loves to sing, and loves her family. She is something of a community celebrity, being elected as Prom Princess (junior court) for her school this year. She even has her own Facebook page!

Rebekah is among the most amazing human beings I’ve ever met, and I’ve had the pleasure of meeting some of the world’s most amazing human beings. From sports legends to war heroes, few can hold a candle to Rebekah’s ability to change every single life she touches. A huge part of who I am today as a human being comes from having had her in my life growing up. She’s taught me how to better love my friends, how to forgive more quickly, and how to exude the sort of compassion and happiness that we all should show each other.

I’ve seen her warm the coldest personalities and put smiles on the saddest faces. She is the center of joy in any room, and you cannot meet her without feeling better than you did when you walked in.

Great job this year, Rebekah! I can’t wait to cheer you on through your Senior year starting this fall, and through the rest of your incredible, improbable, charmed and blessed life.

Jul 022013
 

One of the highlights of our trip to Cleveland was our tour of the Great Lakes Brewing Company. We had a superb lunch at their brewpub, where I sampled their new milk stout (outstanding!) and a new pale ale they’ve dubbed The Lake Erie Monster (also shockingly good). I’ve toured breweries before, but not one responsible for such a large percentage of the beer that I drink. But that wasn’t what made it interesting, for me.

Though only 25 years old, GLBC now brews in what was the distribution house for the L. Schlather Brewing Company, way back in 1879. The history of the building is visible in its architecture, and is modestly curated in the tasting room, adjacent to the kettles pictured above. This sort of renaissance for an old building in what is largely a dilapidated city warms my heart, and I hope it continues.

Jul 012013
 
… on a silver platter.

Remember what I said about Rule #2? Well, you can’t say I don’t live my own advice. This was part of an amazing dinner on Saturday night in Cleveland, at The Greenhouse Tavern. It is also part of the reason I was excreting pork fat during my 5k on Sunday.

My sister writes about it in more detail here, but I’ll just say it was worth it. The whole dining experience there, from unique and perfectly executed cocktails to every morsel of each course of the meal was just amazing. I got to try things I’d never had (like pig face, and beef tartar) in a place where I was sure they’d be done right, and it was all delicious. If it weren’t for the price tag, I could get used to eating like that!